Rape is a terrible thing, and I hope I didn’t need to tell anyone that. The laws on what’s consider consensual or not need to be reformed. They need to very specific, very clear, and the law needs to understand normal sex practices. We need to be able to distinguish clearly what constitutes rape. I find it very disconcerting that current laws are either ambiguous or stupid or even absent, so I will be writing a series of 3 posts on consent and rape. This first one is simply the background for this conversation.
When I walk around my campus, I always see signs saying, “Ask for her consent every time.” I’ve heard other people say that this is ridiculous. Sex happens in the heat of the moment. The woman (or man) should say no, if things get too heated. Let me be clear. I think it is the responsibility of both parties to make sure they both want to have sexual contact. It may be a hassle. It may not be very romantic. Well, neither is making sure your partner is on birth control/using condom, but I hope most of us do that anyway. The fact of the matter is some people are not very assertive. Situations do happen in the heat of the moment. I’m not saying this should be considered rape under the law, but sometimes with passive people, they don’t feel like they can say no. They might not even have expected sex. All of sudden sex is just happening that they didn’t ask for. They end up having unwanted sex. Thus, to the passive person, it is like being raped, even if a “no” was never uttered. It is clearer for everyone involved, if you verbally ask for consent. Please, guys and girls, ask for consent, especially if it is your first time with a particular partner.